I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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