I seem to have left my pride at pride
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
