Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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