Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
