Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
