It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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