oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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