So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
no, he came in my armpit
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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