He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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