So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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