I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
