Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
