i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
