Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
