I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
