did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
