I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
