I hate all girls vehemently.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
