Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
