some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have fence marks all over my body
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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