Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
