This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The Olympian is in my bed
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