A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
