one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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