I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
