when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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