come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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