My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
