Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
