Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
