So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
