Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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