I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Acid is not a monday night drug
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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