She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
