I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
