cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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