Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
