Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
