I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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