It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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