in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
