Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
