i need an iv and a liver transplant
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
