I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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