I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
