my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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