I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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