Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
