I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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