i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
