She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
