It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
