It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How naked do you want me to be?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
