everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
