It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
