Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
