you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
